I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
