ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
