it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
