thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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