Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
