he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
