Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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