My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
