Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
PANTIES FOUND
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