I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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