The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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