do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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