I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
