I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
