Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
