we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
