i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
