I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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