And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
