Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
