I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
