we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
