after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
And then he peed in my hair
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