i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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