Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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