Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So vagazzling was a success
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
