Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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