In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
