Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
