my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
