Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
