doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
