Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
