Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
