It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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