u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
