I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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