Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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