remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
whose ass print is on the piano?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
