life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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