I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
