Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Someone signed my nipple.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
