i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
