you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
