i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
