She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
