Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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