"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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