i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drunk is not a location!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
