Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
