I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
