i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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